3.5.1.2: Active Listening Activity

Please take a few minutes to watch the two humorous videos below, then write a short two minute essay.

Bad Listeners (2:52)

Everybody Loves Raymond Uses Active Listening - from Parent Effectiveness Training (2:58)

Check Your Understanding: Two Minute Essay

Take a few minutes to reflect on each of the videos above. Consider why each video was either a good example or a bad example of active listening and explain why. Keep in mind the three techniques and the guidelines presented on previous pages in this lesson.

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Answer:

Video #1:

In your response you should have noted that Sheldon

• Was not focused on Leonard, the speaker
  • Nonverbal cues we're only about himself, i.e., no eye contact
  • Dismissed Leonard's attempt to talk because it didn't affect him personally
  • Initially did not acknowledge that Leonard was even speaking and continued to sound frustrated that Leonard wanted to talk at all
• Interrupted Leonard repeatedly
  • Kept taking back control of the time clock not giving Leonard time to speak
  • Talked over Leonard
• Conveyed no interest in what Leonard was saying
  • Did not restate Leonard's basic concerns or paraphrase Leonard's words; instead stated "beats me" or "I hear you brother" or "it sucks to be you"
  • Did not reflect back Leonard's basic feeling to indicate understanding
  • No attempt to validate the worthiness of Leonard's problems
  • Did not use voice intonations or questions such as "can you tell me more?" to provide encouragement for Leonard to keep talking
• Judgment: made assumption that Leonard's problem was simple, i.e., "blonde women"

Note that Leonard:

• States, "Is it possible we're having two different conversations?"
• Through the use of a chess time clock attempted to provide avenue for each to listen to the other
• Made a sincere effort to listen and reflect back to Sheldon
• In total frustration, gives up trying to have a conversation

Video #2

• Raymond walks into a situation where his wife is interrogating their daughter and getting nowhere and encourages her to use active listening skills
• Although she attempts, Raymond interrupts and points out that she should reflect back and not be judgmental—two important active listening skills, paraphrasing and non-judgmental
• Raymond then takes over and does the following:
  • Gets down on his daughter’s level and makes direct eye contact—this demonstrates interest and full attention on her
  • Demonstrates empathy by recognizing and stating to his daughter the reasons behind her feeling of anger
  • Reflects that the giraffe was still special to his daughter even though she wasn’t playing with it
  • Takes ownership that mommy and daddy made a mistake by not asking their daughter before giving the giraffe to Michael
• Outcome:
  • The daughter wants to fix the giraffe and give it to Michael
• Following:
  • Raymond:
    • Acts pompous—he's the fixer
    • Is not empathetic to his wife—"Don't worry, you'll get it."
    • Then uses empathy stating his wife feels inadequate
    • She rejects the "active listening crap"

Example of effective active listening:

Leadership Training - Active Listening (2:21)

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